Reflections on Baby Bunching, two years later

Baby Bunching is siblings spaced closer than 2 years (having 2 under 2).  I wwas warned the 2 years are the hardest; I am looking forward to easier days.  Here are my lessons learned over the last 24 months.

1.  Your older child will still appear to be a baby. 
Everone told me when I was pregnant with Ben that I'd be amazed at how big Liam would look when I came home with Ben.  I didn't have that experience.  I came home to a giant 32 pound baby in diapers, that couldn't talk, couldn't walk across a parking lot, needed help into baths and his highchair, and still needed to be fed.  Liam never appeared to be a big boy to me until sometime closer to age 3.

2.  There is no resting when the baby sleeps.
Someone is always awake.  It takes months for naps to line up and night wakenings happen from both babies.  I cannot count the number of time I was up with Ben from 2am until 4am, only to have Liam wake at 5am, and then not have a tandem nap.  My days lasted from 5am until 9pm for at least 9 months, with multiple night wakenings.  After that, I generally only had 2 -3 hours of parenting between the hours of 8pm and 6am, but that still didn't leave much time to sleep.  If I knew 2 years ago that I would only rest 4 hours a day for 18 months, I might have done better.  But not knowing this and not knowing when it would end seemed to un-do me.

3. There will be alot of crying.
I had a tough go with the crying due to sensory meltdowns (Liam) and reflux (Ben) but I suspect with 2 babies less than 2 years part,you have more than double the amount of crying as there is still only one Mommy.  Whatever amount of crying you expect in your day, to be safe, triple it...consider anything less than that amount, a victory.

4. You will feel inadequate.
Your second baby won't get enough tummy time.  Your first baby will not have enough playdates.  You are doing your best, even when you don't feel it.  In the end, people have 2nd babies to change their family dynamics and that is wha is happening.  You cannot do times two what you did for one; there simply aren't enough hours in the day.

5.  Simplify Your Life
I notice that when I get overwhelmed, my sensitive boys sense this and we go into a downward spiral.  The surest way to get Ben back on schedule to to drop as many activities as I can.  He doesn't do well running errands, so I save those for the weekend.  I do better with a packed schedule, but my boys do better with simplicity.  If I don't respect that, I pay the price, so we simplify where we can.

6.  Outsource
To the amount you can, hire help or accept help.  If you have family nearby (then I am jealous), accept their help.  If you don't, then pay for the help you can afford.  I don't regret my house cleaner, and have long gotten over guilty feelings about the fact I "should" be cleaning.  I will always priortize my children, my spouse, cooking, grocery shopping, and time to myself over cleaning but go a bit nuts if the house is dirty.

7.  Remember this won't last forever
I struggle with this one, as I have felt like I have been in the baby stage for over 3.5 years when Liam was born.  But one day, they won't be little anymore.

8.  Make choices that work for your family
This stems off of things not lasting for forever.  We have chosen to simplify and not visit family while our boys are young and not good travellers. Family is always welcome to visit us.  This applies to bottles, nursing, and potty training.  It was better to not worry about prescribed times or parenting choices.

9.  Babywear
It allowed me to carry 50 pounds of baby.  I'd wear Ben and carry Liam or wear Ben while I took Liam for a walk or cooked or read Liam stories.  I cannot imagine baby bunching without babywearing.

10. Chaos will rule
As an only child raised in an adult centric environment where I was seen and not heard and not exposed to traditional "kid's" stuff, this was my hardest lesson.  I don't like noise, mess, or chaos.  I still refuse to share food with the boys (Dave finds this weird) and can barely manage vomit without getting sick myself.  Chaos reigns everyday here.  I still struggle with it, but the boys love it.  I get one issue managed when another pops up, and then both booys gets distracted by listening to Laurie Berkner and insist I dance with them instead of stripping the urine soaked bed or cleaning up the breakfast dishes.  I haven't learned this lesson yet, and maybe I never will.  Thankfully, Liam likes lining things up and Ben insists on closing doors, so I think I will manage alright even though they out-number me.