As if June 30th isn't bad enough

On June 30, 1983 my mom committed suicide. June 30th is always hard for me.  I go around with the lyrics to Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" in my head:

"I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too"

There are alot of reasons why I think of that song, but they deserve their own post.

In any case, I thought yesterday was a bad day and I was hoping to just kind of glide through today.  Those hopes were dashed when Liam threw up in his bed before 6am.  Now Ben has a bloody diaper rash.  Between my already sad heart, my awful chest cold and loss of my voice, one sick preschooler, and one sick toddler, I am wishing I could just skip ahead to tomorrow. 

Ben's reaction to being held by others while Mommy takes photos

The boys with Daddy on Easter:

 I love how much Liam looks like Dave in this photo.  Ben was crying "Mama, Mama!"  Then he got mad:

So we tried with Yia Yia (my step-mom) and it was worse:

He just left, running to me with his arms up calling "Mama!"

Photos with me went much better:

 Pictures of just the boys didn't go nearly as well.  Notice the look if distrust and abandonment on Ben's face:

I didn't have the energy to attempt a grandparent picture or a photo of all of us or even of me, Dave, and the boys.  One day they'll cooperate, right?

Our beach vacation

Thanks to our good friends and Ben's godparent's, we were allowed to borrow a beach front condo in Destin, Florida.  That area was where Dave was first stationed in 2002 and where we got married in 2004.  We left in 2005 for England, but have visited several times since moving to Alabama (as posted here).

The view from the condo was amazing:

From the master

From balcony

Liam had a wonderful time playing in the surf and sand.  We don't have any pictures of him in the surf as Dave was always tightly holding him and Ben was always screaming harder seeing Liam in the Gulf.  He did love playing in the sand.

Ben did not have the same opinion (this photo also illustrates how enormous his head is compared to his body.....poor kid)

Some family photos:

With Ben's obvious hatred of the beach, we did alot of non-beach activities: shopping at the outlets (ot some clothes for Alaska for the boys), dolphin cruise, met up with a friend, Gulfarium, Baytowne Wharf, Build-a-Bear, Destin Commons, and a trip to Seaside.

A Day Out with Thomas

Liam, unlike many 2 year old boys, is not all that into trains.  His obsession is animals, especially kitties and anything Wonder Pets related.  However, if there is a train table set up, he will happily play.  He usually ignored our trains at home, though we don't have many, so maybe they just aren't exciting for him.  Liam does like riding the train at the zoo, and since my Dad (Liam's Pappou) is in town, I thought we'd try to take the boys to a Day Out with Thomas.

All photos were taken by my friend, Jenn, who was possibly more excited about Thomas than any kid present (except for the 4 year old that corrected her engine name at one point in the Imagination Station):

So, Thomas looks just like you would expect:

I really thought Ben would be bored on the train ride, and not care about thw whole experience.  In fact, you could order a package with your tickets, and I only ordered one (Thomas hat, necklace with pass, and Thomas whistle).  Ben, however, kept stealing Liam's hat so he got his own before we left.

We were with friends so we had company for the train ride, and it of course meeant Jenn was around to take better pictures than I would have gotten.

Liam, Ferris, and Lyndee:

Ben thinking he is a big kid:

Me and my boys:

Okay, okay, so maybe Ben looks like me just a bit...... ;-)

Flashback Friday

My Aunt Cindy uploaded this photo to Facebook last night, and I just had to share.  My Aunt Cindy is the little girl to the far left.  My mom is next to her.  Then my Aunt Judy and finally my Uncle Bill.  Aunt Cindy believes this was taken on Easter in 1964, which would make my mom about 10 years old....and I am thinking she is a bit older than that, so maybe the year is off.

Either way, I love having this piece of family history.  My mom died when I was 7, and I had no pictures of her until I was an adult and tracked down her family.  There is a story there too long to get into at the moment.  I just had to share the photo.

Papou's visit

Papou worn out from the present opening. Liam brought him those trains while he napped.

Ben happy to be held and hamming it up for the camera.

Liam helping Papou drink his frappacino.

Liam playing near Papou, hoping he'll wake up.

We have had alot going on here, and there is no sign of things slowing down. I have gotten behind on blog posts, which sometimes means that I end up not blogging about certain things, but I don't want to miss this post. My Dad came to spend the holidays with us. He arrived on Christmas Day at nearly 8pm in Birmingham. It was a VERY long 2 hour drive back to Montgomery with both Ben and Liam screaming the whole way. The drive was so awful that my Dad paid someone $100 to drive him back to Birmingham b/c he couldn't bear another 2 hour trip of non-stop screaming.

We saved all opening of presents until December 26th, so Papou could help the boys open their presents. It worked out well. Ben likes anyone who will hold him and talk to him, and he warmed up to Papou quickly. Liam fell in love with his Papou--cuddling with him on the couch, bringing him toys, and asking about him.

Papou stayed with us for about 16 days, and we have all missed him since he left a week ago.

Flashback Friday

Circa 1983....

That is me with my hands on my hips, rocking the groovy bathing suit.

The boys are my "cousins", Kevin and Kerry. Family is a funny term b/c it can mean different things to different people. Kevin and Kerry are twins whose mother used to be married to the brother of my ex-step-mom. Their mom was divorced from Janice's brother before my Dad was married to Janice, but that never stopped us from considering ourselves cousins. As a child, I had the biggest crush on Kerry, so he is who I am standing next to. As an adult, I keep in touch with Kevin, who posted this photo to his Facebook page.

I don't have any brothers and sisters by blood, my mom passed away back in 1983, and I live far from family. I am fortunate to have good friends that I consider family, as I was reminded when Chris Hoscheid called me yesterday morning.

In these difficult days, I am needing family and friends more than ever. I have a hard time reaching out and an even harder time asking for help....but I am learning....

Independence Day

Dave's sister and husband have beeen in town for the holiday weekend. Ben has my coold and Liam hasn't been sleeping well, so we didn't get out much. On the 4th, we did take everyone to the play area at the Montgomery Museum of Art for some playtime. My sister-in-law snagged some good pictures of the kids.

Sometimes it takes a village

When the doctor told me that I couldn't lift more than 10 pounds for 6 weeks, I begin to worry...How was I going to care for Liam after my c-section? Liam is still a baby himself and needs to be picked up several times a day. Dave decided to use a good chunk of his vacation time and took off 3 weeks of work, which got me 1/2 into my healing period. The day Dave went back to work was April 27th, but I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. Dave and I hired a mother's helper to assist me 4 hours every day. Miss Alexis comes at 9:30am and plays with Liam, straightens the house a bit, and then puts Liam down for his nap. She leaves at 1:30pm every day, and I feel a little more in control for her help. Her time with us ends at the end of May, but she will still come once a week. Liam really loves her, and she is wonderful with him.

My Dad also came down and spent about 10 days with us. Living so far away, he doesn't see much of me or Liam. It was wonderful to have him here, and Liam liked having some one to play with. After Dad left, my friend, Lesley came for a week. She heard that Dave would be gone for a week in mid-May and knew I needed an extra set of hands. She was wonderful at staying calm while Ben screamed and spent hours walking Ben and trying to calm him while I attended to Liam.

During the early days after Ben's arrival, the Air Force community, as well as friends and neighbors stopped by with casseroles so we wouldn't have to worry about cooking. My neighbors check on me every few days and everyone is more than happy to take a crying baby off my hands for a little whiole and do some laps around the living room for me.

It really does take a village sometimes, and we are so grateful for all the help we have received.