Student Support Meeting and feeling defeated

Yesterday was a Student Support Meeting for Liam.  It was ill fated from the beginning.....the purpose of the meeting was not entirely clear to me, Dave is out of town, I was awake with insomnia from 1:30am, and on top of all of that, I am sick with what I can only assume is deadly pneumonia (I joke, but it feels that way).

In the room were: Liam's teacher, the school counselor, the school psychologist, the school SLP, the vice-principal, and the principal.

--First import point, I need to insist the AIG teacher attends all future meetings as she knows Liam really well....probably the best out of those that did attend the meetings.

We addressed Liam's anxiety in the classroom.  The school counselor has made him a social story book with photos of him, and suggested relaxation techniques (deep breathing, counting to 10). Now when he starts to get anxious, the teacher directs him to the book.  She said she is more responsive and has learned to direct him to the book before he starts crying.  She reports it is working well and he seems to have more confidence.

--Point for the school: they are writing social stories for him without an IEP and doing some things I'd want written into an IEP, like he takes the book to a quiet corner of the classroom and gets time to decompress and gets a sensory break.

I was asked what I am doing at home to help him manage anxiety and ensure a healthy brain-body connection.  I mentioned he does gymnastics and it was suggested that I look into kids yoga or karate for him.

--Do they really think I am not doing enough for my child?  I am not sure when we would fit in another activity.  I started to feel defensive around this point.

We talked about his reading fluency and this kind of took me by surprise as I had not been told it was an issue though I had some suspicions.  His reading evaluation show he is ABOVE grade level in reading.  His fluency score are BELOW grade level despite this.  Then of course, the fluency was averaged in to the total score which brings it down (but still above grade level).  Because of this, they are "working on fluency by having him read below his tested ability."  They talked to me about having him use a ruler when he reads at home and said this is a maturity thing that he should outgrow around age 7.  I am not sure I believe that.

--I need to figure out who to see to test either his reading or his visual tracking or both.

--I am unsure about this idea that it isn't a big deal especially since it means he is not performing up to his abilities.

Then we discussed Liam's writing, and this was when things really went downhill and I started to feel very frustrated.  According to his teacher, writing is not an issue at school.  The fact that crying ONLY happens during periods of writing is a coincidence and all chalked up to his anxiety.  She claims his writing is "middle of the pack" at school but acknowledges that her class this year does not have many middle students, almost all above grade level or below grade level.  In addition, she acknowledges that he does not form his letters correctly (starts in the wrong place and the result is awkward). I asked for him to have accommodations and the only one completely agreed upon is using the paper from Handwriting Without Tears.

Once again, all the focus was on what *I* can do to help him.  They did agree to keyboarding his homework but declined allowing me to scribe it for him.  At school they would like him to write.  They asked how much I make him write and whether I offer a variety of writing tools (i.e. colored pencils and not just crayons, etc).  They ask whether I do "OT homework" with him and how often I make him write.  He gets on the bus at 6:50am and gets off at 3:15pm.  On Mondays, I pick him up at school and we spend 2 hours doing speech and OT with him and Ben after which we immediately do dinner and bed.  Tuesdays we do homework when he gets home, then eat an early dinner, then take Ben to ballet, and then it is bed.  Wednesdays we go right to gymnastics then do homework then cook dinner then bed.  Thursdays and Fridays he is free after he gets home (other than homework on Thursdays).  Somehow I am supposed to fit in karate and making him write an activity he hates.  When does he get to be 6?  Why do *I* need to remediate his writing?  Is that not a function of school?

Then the SLP asked about his speech.  She cannot work with him on the R sounds but it sounds like she has been watching him and would be willing to advocate for him, if needed.

Then they asked whether I was requesting testing and while they said it was in my right to do so, they did not see how they could prove academic need based on the fact he is at or above grade level.  By this point, I was just weary, and Liam kept interrupting the meeting and I just wanted it over.  The school psychologist asked if I really wanted him pulled out for special education when he is already being pulled out 3 times a week for AIG.  I want him to have an individualized education, which obviously includes 3x a week AIG pull out.  If he needs reading pull-out or special education pull out to meet his needs, then that is what I want.  I am pretty sure, actually positive, he can have an IEP with all his needs met in the classroom and if that is possible, then that is what I want.

--I need to research NC law especially regarding initial eligibility as he no longer has an IEP and needs testing done to be eligible.

--I need to figure out if there is advocacy and if someone can attend meetings with me.

A bit about overexcitability and Asynchronous development

I haven't been posting much because I am tired.  My boys wear me out.  I am not even sure where to start here and I might ramble a bit.

We know Liam is gifted as a test proved that, but without the test, we'd probably start to suspect it.  Last week, he became obsessed with one of the games I put on his iTouch (Stack the States).  This week?  He can take a blank map of the US and point out where each of the 50 states go, and he can do this quickly while making NO mistakes.  While he won't read books, he constantly reads e-mails I write and asks pointed questions about them.  He can add two digit numbers.  He knows how to carry numbers over for addition and subtraction.  He loves science and can recite facts about planets.  Ben is learning the solar system and was stuck at the planet that comes after Saturn.  Liam tried to help him by giving him the hint "It spins on its side."

If you haven't heard about giftedness and overexcitedabilities, then read this link.  Many of these overexcitedabilities overlap with autism spectrum issues.  This quote from the link is particularly descriptive of Liam, "They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still. They may talk constantly. Adults and peers want to tell them to sit down and be quiet!"  Thankfully, other adults find Liam fascinating and I am often awed by him which helps me survive his psychomotor overexcitedability.  Even with that, just being around him drains me.  Another descriptive quote is "Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment (Piechowski, 1979, 1991). Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of “overreacting.” Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes."  The emotional issues are the area where Liam still struggles in a school setting.

Now, a little bit about Ben and his development.  Ben is 3.5 and can count to 100, knows several sight words, can spell about 10 words, usually knows the names of the planets in distance from the sun, knows days of the week, can name several states, knows the names of the biggest states (in size), can tell time, knows the days of the week, and knows all the coins by face.  I don't know if Ben is gifted, he might just be like this because of being around Liam all day.  There are things normal for a 3.5 year old that he can NOT do.  The biggest one is potty training and Ben is no where near ready.  He has never peed in the potty and still will poop WHILE doing gymnastics.  How is that even possible?  He also does not regularly use full sentences, confuses pronous, drops negatives, and says the opposite of what he means.  He has little interest in children and has started to refuse to speak in many public settings.  Some of these traits are autism traits so I am worried.  But I also know that gifted children show asynchronous development, explained in this article.  Ben even has a favorite state, Washington, pronounced "Wash-een-teen" but really I'd rather he pooped in the potty.

Between overexcitedabilities, fine motor delays, gross motor delays, speech delays, social delays, changing diapers, answering questions about how things work, and dealing with all of this times two, I often feel quite exhausted.