Seeing him through the eyes of others

I was reminded yesterday why I don't post about Liam's progress: I am always afraid it will be contradicted the next day and that is exactly what happened. Liam's SLP brought him out after his session and was trying to talk to me about Liam's session. She had asked Liam what we did on vacation and he said something about the forest and alligators; she wanted to know if we went to a zoo or something. I haven't blogged yet about our trip to Homer, Alaska, but I assure you in Alaska there are no alligators and on the Homer spit (about 4 miles long and 1.5 miles wide and surrounded by water), there is no forest. In the middle of this frustrating conversation where I realized Liam STILL cannnot convey a simple answer to "what did you do last week on vacation?" a cell phone rang in the waiting room.

To be polite, the woman whose phone rang went into the entryway so as not to disturb me and the SLP.   Her 2 year old followed her and took with him a toy from the waiting room. Liam knows the rules are that toys stay in the waiting room (he sometimes wants to take the toys home). Instead of telling me or the SLP that he was upset, he simply started crying and screaming. We couldn't figure out why he was upset for a couple minutes. In the meantime, Ben freaked out because Liam was crying and I was holding him.   Now, Liam was partially crying because Ben's crying was upset him and he could not calm himself down about the fact the toy had been in the entryway.

The woman and her son came back into the waiting room, looking confused as to why Liam was so upset. This only upset Liam more, and he started pacing around the room, circling the toddler, and rushing up to him, getting in his personal space, all while screaming at the top of his lungs and flapping his arms. It was one of the those moments where I see Liam as how he appears to other people, especially as his behavior was so characteristically autistic. I have seen that behavior several times from older, lower-functioning teen-agers in that same waiting room. I could see the worry on the mom's face as she didn't know Liam and she didn't know if he'd hurt her little boy (who was smaller than Ben). Liam was staying in between her and her son. Bless her, as she didn't interfere and trusted me and the SLP that we would control Liam. I was confident he wouldn't hurt the little boy, but I would have been just as worried in her place. Liam was clearly out of control. I kept trying to get him in a bear hug to calm him but he would scream louder and wiggle from my grasp and go back to rushing up on the little boy. Finally, the little boy gave Liam the toy, and eventually through lots of quiet talking, Liam calmed down.  He didn't want the toy; he just didn't want it in the entryway.

As if June 30th isn't bad enough

On June 30, 1983 my mom committed suicide. June 30th is always hard for me.  I go around with the lyrics to Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" in my head:

"I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too"

There are alot of reasons why I think of that song, but they deserve their own post.

In any case, I thought yesterday was a bad day and I was hoping to just kind of glide through today.  Those hopes were dashed when Liam threw up in his bed before 6am.  Now Ben has a bloody diaper rash.  Between my already sad heart, my awful chest cold and loss of my voice, one sick preschooler, and one sick toddler, I am wishing I could just skip ahead to tomorrow. 

Terrible Twos

Ben is well into his terrible twos these days.

This is bad timing as Liam is in a defiant streak at the moment; in addition, I never dealt with the terrible twos....Liam didn't have them due to his delays.

I often say Ben is like a rock star: loud, moody, a bit bipolar, and quite demanding.

The whole rock star thing is my argument for keeping his hair long, but Ben's hair length is a bit of a family argument at the moment.  Dave tells me everytime Ben is called a girl, but Liam was called a girl more often and he had short hair, so Dave's ploy isn't working.  That and since Liam was born, I have grown thick skin to the comments of others.



I get asked alot whether it is Ben's nap time, sometimes at bizarre times of day like 9:30am or 5pm.  The truth is that he doesn't have random crying spells anymore but he is just a cranky kid. Ben can be very happy and is quite entertaining when in a good mood.  He makes me laugh all the time.  But his moods turn on a dime, and he goes straight into a screaming, kicking demon.  We are often asked to leave places due to the disruptions he can cause.

For now, I'll leave Ben's hair long as it suits his rock star personality.  I have a feeling parenting will be a wild ride with him.

Leaps forward....mostly good but with a dose of defiance

I figured I'd share more photos taken by S. Jordan Photography as part of an update on Liam.

At one point, most of Liam's porfessional photos looked like this:

But in the last year, he has learned to look at the camera and smile and show off his beautiful eyes.

During my last update on Liam, he was in the middle of a huge regression and I am happy to say that it is over.

One of the most exciting things for me is that he is about 90% potty trained.  He is having accidents about once or twice a week instead of several times a day.  He can pee standing up and is requiring less assistance in the potty.  He is not at all night trained and still soaks a big boy pull-up (Good Nites) and even pees through to his bed most nights.  It is really common for kids on the spectrum to not be night trained until they are teen-agers and I am definitely thinking it will be years before Liam is ready for that step.  Thankfully, it is not disruptive to social interactions at this point in time.  Even more exciting is that I haven't had to buy pull-ups (except for the Good Nites) for months and am spending less and less time helping Liam potty.  I am pretty sure that he will have no problems managing at the chuch preschool in the Fall.

Equally exciting is Liam's language as he has made huge leaps.  He is answering questions on a more regular basis, asking questions, and even sustaining one or two back and forth bits on one topic.  After waiting nearly 4 years, I can have short conversations with my sensitive guy.  For the most part, I love hearing how his mind works and it gives me alot of hints to what sensory input he is needing at the moment or when he is building up to a meltdown.  The ability to communicate has made parenting Liam fun and rewarding.

With typical language comes typical behavior of 3 year olds that talk.  With Liam's language and social delays, we had no terrible twos....or at least nothing like what I saw my friend's experience.  Liam's newfound ability to communicate means a new found ability to talk back, question mom's authority, and just be downright contrary.  Liam has always been spirited and willful and has alot of issues related to wanting to be in control.  This has made for some tense times at our house.

I have found that this level of language requires a whole different set of parenting skills.  I am behind the ball as parents usually have a year or so while their children go through speaking phrases, simple sentences, answering simple questions, and finally sustaining conversation.  Liam did all of this much faster and my parenting hasn't yet caught up to his skill level.  Liam likes to contradict choices I give him and tell me "No Mommy those are NOT my choices.  Stop saying those choices!" while crying and then adding "My choices are to eat an ice pop (at 8pm) or watch Diego."

Liam is also exhibiting lots of silly and boy-ish behavior.....non-stop potty words through dinner time, yelling inappropriate things, talking about people's butts, giggling at farts.  I am really feeling out-numbered these days.

Liam still has delays and all this progress has brought with it a rash of sensory seeking behavior.  These days he is putting everything in his mouth.  People always worry about small items near Ben, but he never puts things in his mouth, but yesterday I had to pull out a Thomas the train size barrel from his mouth.  I have given him things to chew on and he keeps getting ice to chew on all day.....but it isn't enough.  He has started clicking his teeth for hours a day, chewing on his fingers, and generally behaving like a 6 month old in the middle of teething.  He has also been seeking out lots of crashing behavior but thankfully it has been nice out so we spend lots of time outdoors.

Socially, he is doing better, and seeks out kids to play with often.  His interactions are off quite a bit still, and it interferes a bit with kids wanting to play with him.  He doesn't make eye contact and generally is looking at the ground while talking and has a tendency to either shout or whisper.  He wants freedom at playgrounds so he spends quite a bit of time out of earshot from me so I don't always know how he is being treated but I always note when kids walk away or exclude him by body language.  Yesterday though, he met a 5 year old girl and they played together for about an hour.  It gave me hope that he will be just fine socially.

All I want is both boys looking at the camera and smiling

2 years and counting and it still hasn't happened.

In May we had professional photos taken by S. Jordan Photography and she did an amazing job being patient with my wild boys and moving around with them, but still no luck on them both looking at the camera and smiling.

This was the best one of them together:

Giving them toys/props doesn't work:

Asking them to hug doesn't work:

Most of the time, they were so quick that even the fastest shutter when pressed finds boys who were facing the camera a second ago, now look like this:

Even me trying to hold the boys doesn't work:

More about the trip to Seward

We went to Seward a month ago and I meant to blog about it right away.  Life got in the way.  We have a new therapy schedule for the summer and it is pretty intensive.  Liam has ABA therapy 9-12 Monday through Wednesday and then from 1-4 on Thursdays.  In addition, we are out of the house from 2-5pm one day a week to travel downtown for his private speeech and OT.  In addition to that, Ben has 1 hour of Early Intervention and one hour weekly with a  LCSW who specializes in Floortime.  In addition to THAT, we do Kindermusik and Knee-Hi Naturalist at the local Nature Center.  The rest of the time is filled with napping and playtime outside in nice weather.  Thankfully, our cul-de-sac has a college student living here this summer and I have been hiring her regularly so I can leave the house to run errands.....and even found time for my first haircut in 10 months, buy my first make-up since 2005, and buy non-nursing and non-pregnancy bras (which I haven't worn since 2006!).

In any case, a month later, here are more details of our trip. 

Our first night, we are here based on a friend's recommendation.

They had good BBQ and Liam loved eating in a train.

The next day we started our morning by heading to the Alaska Sea Life Center.  As it was Memorial weekend, they gave us an extra discount, on top of their usual militray discount--SWEET.  The boys headed straight for the boat display.

Ben found a plastic fish and took it right to the tank of fish it looked like to try to organize it into the right place....

Some cool photos that I captured:

This guy seemed very interested in the boys and literally hung out against the glass for minutes.

Then we went on a hike to see Exit Glacier.  Ben went from this:

To this in a matter of 5 minutes....

Ben napped for the whole hike up to the top.  Liam ended up wanting down and hiked up by himself.  It was steep in some places and Liam was a trooper.

The bottom:

To show the steepness:

At the top:

The view from the top; we were so high that you couldn't see the paths we were walking on below:

Trip to Seward--Iditaride and Seward harbor

First of all, if you visit Seward and would like more space than a hotel room, I cannot say enough good things about where we stayed.

View of water from outside the house:

View in the opposite direction:

The 3 hour or so drive to Seward was uneventful.  Ben napped for about 30 minutes somewhere in the 10 o'clock hour and this was our first mutiple hour drive where he did NOT spend at least 30 minutes crying....positive progress!  Liam was a bit stuck on the idea of going to "the little house" and chattered on incessantly.  We got to Seward earlier than expected and had time to visit the harbor before our sled dog tour.

After seeing a bit of Seward, we went for our dog sled tour....just in time for the rain to start.  Not to worry, Liam and I have good rain jackets, Ben has a passable one, and well, Dave is a big boy and should learn to buy himself a rain jacket (or give me the green light to purchase him one). 

Ben, our dog lover, was overwhelmed by the dog barking and went into meltdown mode before the ride even started.

An idea of the scenery we saw on the ride:

After the ride, we got to meet the team and give them lots of pets for pulling us.

Then we got to our favorite part....meeting and holding puppies!

Liam was so gentle with the puppies that we even let him hold one.  Liam was in heaven and between Liam's cuteness and the puppy's fuziness, I was in cute overload.

Summer Solstice

The photos below  have nothing to do with the summer solstice but they are cute and I haven't blogged lately.

It is summer solstice, which means 19.5 hours between sunrise and sunset and 24 hours of visible light.  Think of the reverse and you can imagine how dark it is in the winter.  In any case, summer solstice means festivals, parties, and celebrations. 

Here is Ben at a friend's party.  She happens to be a talented photographer.

It also means the boys have been fighting sleep even more than usual.  I am one tired mama.  And you can see how muscular and thin both boys are.....they are on the go non-stop whenever they are awake.



He's got that smoldering look down

Taken by S. Jordan Photography