Student Support Meeting and feeling defeated

Yesterday was a Student Support Meeting for Liam.  It was ill fated from the beginning.....the purpose of the meeting was not entirely clear to me, Dave is out of town, I was awake with insomnia from 1:30am, and on top of all of that, I am sick with what I can only assume is deadly pneumonia (I joke, but it feels that way).

In the room were: Liam's teacher, the school counselor, the school psychologist, the school SLP, the vice-principal, and the principal.

--First import point, I need to insist the AIG teacher attends all future meetings as she knows Liam really well....probably the best out of those that did attend the meetings.

We addressed Liam's anxiety in the classroom.  The school counselor has made him a social story book with photos of him, and suggested relaxation techniques (deep breathing, counting to 10). Now when he starts to get anxious, the teacher directs him to the book.  She said she is more responsive and has learned to direct him to the book before he starts crying.  She reports it is working well and he seems to have more confidence.

--Point for the school: they are writing social stories for him without an IEP and doing some things I'd want written into an IEP, like he takes the book to a quiet corner of the classroom and gets time to decompress and gets a sensory break.

I was asked what I am doing at home to help him manage anxiety and ensure a healthy brain-body connection.  I mentioned he does gymnastics and it was suggested that I look into kids yoga or karate for him.

--Do they really think I am not doing enough for my child?  I am not sure when we would fit in another activity.  I started to feel defensive around this point.

We talked about his reading fluency and this kind of took me by surprise as I had not been told it was an issue though I had some suspicions.  His reading evaluation show he is ABOVE grade level in reading.  His fluency score are BELOW grade level despite this.  Then of course, the fluency was averaged in to the total score which brings it down (but still above grade level).  Because of this, they are "working on fluency by having him read below his tested ability."  They talked to me about having him use a ruler when he reads at home and said this is a maturity thing that he should outgrow around age 7.  I am not sure I believe that.

--I need to figure out who to see to test either his reading or his visual tracking or both.

--I am unsure about this idea that it isn't a big deal especially since it means he is not performing up to his abilities.

Then we discussed Liam's writing, and this was when things really went downhill and I started to feel very frustrated.  According to his teacher, writing is not an issue at school.  The fact that crying ONLY happens during periods of writing is a coincidence and all chalked up to his anxiety.  She claims his writing is "middle of the pack" at school but acknowledges that her class this year does not have many middle students, almost all above grade level or below grade level.  In addition, she acknowledges that he does not form his letters correctly (starts in the wrong place and the result is awkward). I asked for him to have accommodations and the only one completely agreed upon is using the paper from Handwriting Without Tears.

Once again, all the focus was on what *I* can do to help him.  They did agree to keyboarding his homework but declined allowing me to scribe it for him.  At school they would like him to write.  They asked how much I make him write and whether I offer a variety of writing tools (i.e. colored pencils and not just crayons, etc).  They ask whether I do "OT homework" with him and how often I make him write.  He gets on the bus at 6:50am and gets off at 3:15pm.  On Mondays, I pick him up at school and we spend 2 hours doing speech and OT with him and Ben after which we immediately do dinner and bed.  Tuesdays we do homework when he gets home, then eat an early dinner, then take Ben to ballet, and then it is bed.  Wednesdays we go right to gymnastics then do homework then cook dinner then bed.  Thursdays and Fridays he is free after he gets home (other than homework on Thursdays).  Somehow I am supposed to fit in karate and making him write an activity he hates.  When does he get to be 6?  Why do *I* need to remediate his writing?  Is that not a function of school?

Then the SLP asked about his speech.  She cannot work with him on the R sounds but it sounds like she has been watching him and would be willing to advocate for him, if needed.

Then they asked whether I was requesting testing and while they said it was in my right to do so, they did not see how they could prove academic need based on the fact he is at or above grade level.  By this point, I was just weary, and Liam kept interrupting the meeting and I just wanted it over.  The school psychologist asked if I really wanted him pulled out for special education when he is already being pulled out 3 times a week for AIG.  I want him to have an individualized education, which obviously includes 3x a week AIG pull out.  If he needs reading pull-out or special education pull out to meet his needs, then that is what I want.  I am pretty sure, actually positive, he can have an IEP with all his needs met in the classroom and if that is possible, then that is what I want.

--I need to research NC law especially regarding initial eligibility as he no longer has an IEP and needs testing done to be eligible.

--I need to figure out if there is advocacy and if someone can attend meetings with me.

William's teacher thinks he needs an IEP

Yesterday I got a call from Liam's teacher.  As luck would have it, I got the call while being interviewed by a psychologist in an observation room watching Ben be evaluated for autism.  As soon as the phone rang, I told her "I think this is a call from my older son's teacher and I need to take it."

Getting a phone call saying your son needs an IEP while your other son is being evaluated for autism is not a pleasant experience.  I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I was in a room with several social works, SLPs, and a psychologist.

Obviously, I suspected Liam needs an IEP, but I wanted it before anything happened to make him feel like he failed.

I did not get that lucky.  Liam forgot to bring home his folder on Thursday.  He is supposed to turn his homework in on Friday, and I usually stick it inside his folder.  With no folder, it went in his bookbag.  He came home Friday with his folder.....and his homework not turned in.  I spoke with him about it.

I did not contact the teacher but should have and am beating myself up about it now.

Monday was a holiday so he went back to school Tuesday.  He came home with his folder and his homework still not turned in.  I asked him why and he just shrugged.  At this point, I emailed the teacher.  She has never given her e-mail but the school website has a contact option so I used that.

So Wednesday while I was with Ben at UNC, she called me. She asked me to explain what was going on with Liam's homework.  Then she told that they remind them 5 or 6 times to get their folder.  It is their responsibility.  This was when I thought I was going to cry.  Instead I reminded her that at the meeting in May, I explained he had this issue in Kindergarten and was one of my concerns and one of the things I wanted an IEP for.

I asked her if she thought he needs an IEP and she said "yes" and then mentioned he is doing fine socially and behaviorally, but he does cry in class sometimes, there is the issue with the folder, and sees "some other things" that make her think an IEP is in his best interest.

Next week we have a conference with her when we'll get his quarter 1 report card.  She said there will not be time for IEP paperwork at that point.  And then there is a 3 week fall break. 

I am glad she is on board and will advocate for Liam, but my heart hurts for him.

First Meeting with William's teacher

One positive about this blog now being private is I can process feelings without being afraid someone stumbling over my blog and being hurt by how I feel.

I scheduled a meeting with Liam's teacher to get an idea of how he is doing in school.

I showed up about 10 minutes before class ended.  Liam took one look at me and went into a screaming meltdown about wanting to take the bus.  It was awful.  All the 1st graders were staring at us. I did get to see the little girl he keeps mentioning, Ashlynne.  She sits next to him and brought over his notebook and bookbag.  I wanted to hug that sweet little girl.  Soon after the class left, he settled down.

Ironically, Mrs. Lee started off with how nothing about Liam sets him apart from the class.  I brought up the meltdown and said my fear is behavior like that at school as he did it in preschool.  She said he has not shown any issues with transition, dealing with change, or noise.

She does not see issues with his handwriting.  It is messy and below average in the class but does not think he needs accommodations.  However, when testing his reading level and reading comprehension, he could answer correctly orally but wrote something different on paper....a wrong answer, resulting in a lower reading level group.  Both of these things yell dysgraphia to me and need to be accommodated.  Otherwise I am liking the school, but I feel Liam's giftedness is hiding where he struggles.

He is reading at Level J, but his reading comprehension seems to be about the Level G area.  I did not ask how he compares to other children as that does not matter to me.  I just want to make sure he is working at a level that is challenging but not too hard.

A large part of the meeting consisted on how they will meet Liam's gifted needs.  They are pairing him for group work with one of the other AIG students, a little boy named Graham.  In addition, they are willing to allow him to test out of 1st grade material and work at a different level instead.  I suggested math as an area where he needs to be working at a different level.

I like his teacher and it is clear she wants the best for Liam but I am afraid she is missing the big picture when it comes to writing.