Saying Good-Bye to 2010

2010 has been an emotional year.

When 2010 stated, Dave had already been gone for over 50 days and would be gone over 150 more days before returning to us.  Liam had recently been diagnosed on the autism spectrum and was not reciving the amount of early intervention hours recommended and had not yet started Applied Behavioral Anaylsis...he did not yet use two word phrases on a regular basis.  Ben had no teeth and was not yet crawling, and of course had no words.  I was hanging on by a thread....overwhelmed, depressed, lonely, and with an endless amount of diaper changes, meltdowns, evenings of screaming, sleepless nights ahead of me.

This year hasn't been all positive and there has been challenges, but we have all come so far.  Dave was awarded a bronze star, was offered a position with more responsibility, came home safely, and now supervises a large legal office.  Liam speaks full sentences with a rich vocabulary, he struggles socially but wants to make friends, and he overall just seems happier.  Ben is in the process of cutting teeth 11-16, puts two words together, can count to 10 using half the numbers (1, 4, 6, 7, and 8 apparently are optional but the 2,3,5,9, and 10 are always said in the right order), runs, and climbs stairs on two feet.  And me?  Well, I am getting more sleep these days and my husband is home....having uprooted again, I am still making friends or trying to.....and I am still regularly overwhelmed.

This year we have had three surgeries--ear tubes for Liam, ear tubes and adenoid reduction for Ben, and one for Dave (more on that below).  My Dad visited twice during Dave's deployment.  We battled seemingly endless colds and flus last winter and spring and seemingly endless stomach bugs this fall and winter.  I learned it is impossible to get two mobile babies to both be in the same photo and smile unless I am holding both of them.  We saw Thomas at Day Out With Thomas, although it was unfortunately before Liam started his Thomas obsession.  Liam finally started doing imaginative play, as did Ben (Liam in the spring, Ben just recently).  Liam has continued to amaze up with fine motor skills despite a poor pincer grasp--drawing circles before age 3 and writing his name without help shortly after turning 3. 

I survived on less than 4 hours a sleep for about 11 months of 2010, often awake for the day by 4:30am and awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, so my sleep was broken into two 2 hour naps. We trialed Ben off of Prilosec to disasterous results and he is now on triple the dose he was on before and will be finally going into surgery for an endoscopy in early January.  Dave came home and we took a family vacation to the beach courtesy of our friends, the Deschanes.  We recieved unexpected news we'd be moving to Alaska, fought the medical clearance, and relocated our family 3000 miles just weeks after our deployment reunion.

I celebrated Ben's first birthday without Dave and we all celebrated Liam's 3rd birthday.  Liam started special education and rides a bus to school. Liam made amazing strides with the help of ABA, speech, and OT.  Liam transitioned to a big boy bed.  We got to do a few hikes and see several sights in Alaska.   Ben qualified for OT through early intervention for his short attention span, sensory issues, and a cognitive delay.  And we celebrated Christmas as a family,

One of the most recent and defining moments of 2010 was the decision to not have any more children.  I always wanted 3 children and especially always wanted a little girl.  Since I had two boys under the age of two, my life has turned into seeming upheavel--colic, reflux, an autism diagnosis, deployment, endless hours of therapy, more sleepless nights than I can count, and the reality that someone is always crying.  I don't have the physical or emotional resources to have another baby at the moment.  I don't have the desire to go back to the baby stage if I ever get one of the boys potty trained (nearly two years of two in diapers).  Dave doesn't think our marriage could handle a third and I am sure he is right.  The most important fact is this: I want to enjoy my boys NOW as they are and not look forward to how another child will change our family or the gender of another child or worry if another child will have autism or reflux/medical concerns.

So I look forward to 2011 with fresh eyes.  I am ready to dive in and enjoy my house full of boys, do lots of hiking, have lots of cuddle time, and play lots of legos and trains.