A couple weeks ago, I changed the days of Liam's therapy so we could go see the USO's Sesame Street program on base. This meant we encountered different children at the therapy center where Liam does private speech and occupational therapy. On our way out, we met a teen-ager who had just arrived with his aide. He was trying to take his shoes off himself (here in Alaska, shoes aren't worn indoors anywhere) and was struggling a bit. The mud room area in this center is crowded and it was full with me trying to keep control of Liam and Ben, as well as two adult size males. The aide left, and Liam was just staring at the boy and commenting on his drooling. The boy understood what Liam said and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I told Liam it wasn't nice and he could try saying hi to the boy and maybe introducing himself. Liam did as he was told and waited a minute before laughing and saying "He doesn't talk!" I told him that he does talk but some people talk in different ways. Another little boy, about age 5, came through and said "hi" to the teenager and he said "hi" back, so i pointed out to Liam that he does talk and maybe Liam should apologize. While this is going on, I am trying to get everyone's shoes on and us out the door. I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed.
So today after Liam's rehearsal, I wanted to change him back into street clothes so his shirt and shorts wouldn't get dirty before his recital tomorrow. I decided to go over near another family from Liam's class. Liam was in the middle of sensory overload and completely floppy and uncooperative. I was dressing him and he was just flopping his body everywhere and asking me questions with his tongue out of his mouth. The little girl from his class came over and asked why Liam was talking like this and she mimitated him. I hadn't actually seen what Liam was doing as I had him on my lap facing away from me while I dressed him as that is the only way to dress him with floppy limbs, but as soon as she did, I recognized the tongue movements and weird faces as what Liam does when he goes into floppy mode. I told her that some kids talk differently and he was tired. She started getting in my personal space and her Dad called her away. I think she was overwhelmed too as it was chaotic in there and overwhelming for even neurotypical kids.
Yesterday we had a similar experience; I was at a friend's birthday party. Liam usually plays really well with hber 3 year old twins, but her male twin's best friend was there and they were refusing to let Liam in the playhouse saying they taped the door shut. I tried to give Liam some suggestions for solving the problem on his own (asking them for the magic word, telling them he was sad to be left out, etc) but in the end he started screaming in frustration, and my friend told her son to let Liam in. A moment later her daughter wanted in and all three boys told her she couldn't come in. I said "Liam, remember how sad you felt, now do you want her to feel that way?" Liam pushed past the other two boys and opened the door for her.
But how do I teach Liam empathy for things he hasn't experienced? How do I help other kids understand Liam is different without them wanting to exclude Liam for being different?
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2 comments:
As a dutiful father of 3 boys on the spectrum, I am totally with you about the empathy you have to carry with you anytime you ever go into public. You never know when you are going to be on the giving or receiving end of an education as it relates to your auttie when they venture into the big, bad world, lol. No one understands the the meaning of the definitions behind the words "thick skin" "tolerance" "patience" and unfortunately, "embarrassment" like the parent of an autistic child. But, there is no one who will help our child, or the world understand, with empathy the differences that people have. My boys, and the implied and direct responsibilities they have brought to my wife and I, have truly made us better people and I love to embrace that challenge! (As challenging as I know it can really get sometimes). Continue the good fight!
Michelle, I used to sometimes feel embarrassed when Kate would do various things. As she is getting older and we encounter other children with various disabilities, I always make it a point to tell her that people are all different- some talk better than others, some can use sign language to communicate, some can't walk and need to ride in a wheel chair. I tell her that everyone has their strengths and that we show respect to people regardless. How much of this does she get? I'm not sure. But lately she's done well in her intereraction with other children with disabilities (included a severely autistic boy who goes to her gymnastics class). *I* have also reached the point where if a kid asks me why she talks like that, I say that she is still learning and will get there some day. If the kid persists, I generally say that we all learn on our own time but she'd really like to take turns going down the slide, etc... I agree, this is not an easy topic and one that is SO SO hard.
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