Perception about your children is a funny thing. Usually our kids' cries and tantrums are not as annoying as we imagine them to be since we are more focused on their behavior than anyone else is. Of course, our kids are never as brilliant as we imagine them to be either.
For awhile, others kept telling me things with Liam and Ben were not as bad as I imagined, and I just needed to adjust my outlook. I viewed this as fantastic news, and started running my positive scripts in my head during the day's rough patches. The good news is that my mood DID improve: I started laughing again and was finding enough energy to process my day with Dave. The bad news was that my positive outlook did not "trickle down" to effect the amount of hours Liam and Ben spend crying, screaming, and tantruming. I reassured myself that my perception of their behavior was likely hyper-sensitive, and things probably weren't that bad.
How wrong I was.....The good news is that I received validation for why my day to day life is so difficult. The bad news is that it is embarrassing to be the mother of the children who are always screaming.
After this week's sleepless night (see last post), I decided to take Murray to the vet. The only double stroller we own is the Phil and Ted's, and I still cannot figure out how to fold the thing for the life of me, so we just use it for neighborhood walks. The logistics of going to the vet required putting Ben in a mei tai on my front, strapping Liam into the umbrella stroller, and finally putting Murray's soft carrier on my back like a backpack. With Alabama heat and humidity, I was sweating profusely as soon as Liam was in the stroller before I even did anything else. Ben hates the heat so he started screaming when he touched my hot, sticky body. Murray was yowling. Liam saw the doors to the vet's office and started kicking, screaming, and thrashing. I am sure we were quite a sight entering the vet's. Murray was weighed, and they were trying to gather his symptoms from me....but literally could not hear me over the screaming. The louder Ben cried, the louder Liam screamed. The louder Liam screamed, Ben matched him with crying. On top of this, Murray would let loose with Siamese yowls sporadically. The vet politely suggested that it might be in everyone's best interest to leave Murray so he could be examined without screaming children. Relieved to not have to be in public anymore, I hurried out. Was the scene as bad as I imagined it? Apparently so, when Dave picked Murray up that night, the staff at the vet's office joked that he wasn't really sick, he just needed time away from the noise and craziness of both boys.
Today I braved Gymboree by myself (usually Dave and I go together to manage both boys or one of us takes him alone without Ben). I actually thought things were going well. Ben was on my back, he cried for about 10 minutes before falling asleep, slept 30 minutes, and then screamed for the last 10 minutes. Liam threw maybe 3-5 tantrums during the 50 minute class. At the end, the teacher asked if there wasn't a better time for Liam to attend as maybe the class was during his naptime. It wasn't anywhere near naptime as it was a 9am class and he doesn't nap until 12pm or so. Is it possible that the screaming and crying is worse than I am imagining it? If so, that scares me.
So what is a manic mommy to do? Lock myself in the house until this season of life passes? Grow thicker skin and endure the screaming, crying, and comments from other adults?
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2 comments:
((hugs)) I don't know the answer here...having a screaming baby in the car has made me want to stay in but then I'm lonely...catch 22.
i'll never grow tired of your vet story. to me, it is funny. that isn't because it happened to you and not me. when my boys were little i H-A-T-E-D grocery shopping because they became demon spawn as soon as we walked through the doors of the grocery store. really, they did this in any store. living in a small town like tallassee meant that everyone knew me. i remember seeing people hurrying with their shopping and not making eye contact with me because my boys were so bad. i know where you are coming from. the crying and screaming does end. i promise. until then, to the people who make you feel embarrassed about it, i say "screw 'em".
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