Our beach vacation

Thanks to our good friends and Ben's godparent's, we were allowed to borrow a beach front condo in Destin, Florida.  That area was where Dave was first stationed in 2002 and where we got married in 2004.  We left in 2005 for England, but have visited several times since moving to Alabama (as posted here).

The view from the condo was amazing:

From the master

From balcony

Liam had a wonderful time playing in the surf and sand.  We don't have any pictures of him in the surf as Dave was always tightly holding him and Ben was always screaming harder seeing Liam in the Gulf.  He did love playing in the sand.

Ben did not have the same opinion (this photo also illustrates how enormous his head is compared to his body.....poor kid)

Some family photos:

With Ben's obvious hatred of the beach, we did alot of non-beach activities: shopping at the outlets (ot some clothes for Alaska for the boys), dolphin cruise, met up with a friend, Gulfarium, Baytowne Wharf, Build-a-Bear, Destin Commons, and a trip to Seaside.

Ben's first steps and reflux update

This post is almost 2 months overdue.....poor 2nd born baby boy.

While the deployment was counting down, Ben was learning to walk. 

Here is his "first steps" video taken May 6th on his 13 month birthday:


His progress in learning to walk was slowed by an ear infection treated with amoxicillin.  The ear infection became a double ear infection and was then treated with some awful antibiotic that caused him to have severe GI distress.  At the end of May, he STILL had fluid in his ears, but the infection was gone.  As a 3rd measure, the pediatrician gave a prescription for allergy medicine.

Literally, overnight he went from taking a couple steps to this:


The 2nd video was taken about 5 weeks after the first, but he didn't progress with his walking until just a week before that video was taken.

In other news, Ben's reflux medicine was stopped in early June.  He hasn't slept past 5:30am since and now doesn't fall asleep until 9pm or so at night.  He wakes before 5am about 2 times a week.  By mid-June, he was back to crying 3 to 4  hours a day, so we called his GI specialist who put him on Zantac (the medicine he was on last summer that didn't work).  Two weeks into it and the sleep hasn't improved and his crying is down to 2 to 3 hours a day.....and is spitting up once or twice everyday......sigh.

Edited to add:  Just talked with his ped GI and Ben will go back on Prilosec.  Let's hope it continues to help as much as it did before he stopped.

Reunion pictures

courtesy of my amazing friend, Anita.

Friday morning, June 4th after multiple delays, Dave was finally on the way home to us.  Anita met me and the boys at the airport.  US Airways and the Montgomery airport gets 2 big thumbs down for failing to allow us greet Dave at the gate.  Here I am arguing trying to convince them:

Ben kissing his Daddy doll while waiting for Daddy:

I LOVE this shot of Ben making a break for security:

Anita caught Liam in a rare moment of still-ness:

And then we started to see passengers from his flight.  And suddenly, I could see him, and I pointed him out to Liam, who ran at him as fast as he could.  Dave caught Liam and it was like no time had passed:

The joy on Liam's face was so pure and complete and he kept his little toddler arms wrapped around Dave's neck as long as he could:

Ben was sleepy so he was in a carrier on my back.  I was too shocked to cry, and too overwhelmed by emotion to even know what to do or say:

I wanted Dave to have a chance to hold Ben so I handed him over, but Liam refused to let go and stayed in Dave's arms.  Dave learned how hard it is to hold two growing toddlers:

Ben was unhappy about being taken from his napping spot in the carrier and unsure about being held by Daddy:

This is the happiest I have been in over a year:

First kisses with the younger toddler in between us and the older toddler next to us:

Liam insisted on kisses too:

Ben fell asleep in the carrier, Liam still refused to let Dave put him down, and we walked out to the car.  We loaded the boys in, and for the first time, I felt overcome with emotion and jumped at Dave:

More kisses:

Anxiety

Tick tock tick tock tick tock......

It has been well over 48 hours since I last heard from Dave, after nearly a week of one line e-mails that basically said "I'm alive but cannot write more.  I'll send you a longer message in a couple hours."  Loner messages never came.  I don't know where he is, but I am tryin to remember that no news must mean his schedule hasn't changed.

You'd think after 7 months of infrequent phone calls and Skyping a number of times that can be counted on 2 hands, I'd be used to lack of communication.  But there were always e-mails, and the lack of hearing anythin has my anxiety going through the roof.

Tick tock tick tock.....

I am freaked out about the reunion.  I am worried about a thousand little thins and getting more upset about the idea of him coming home.

Tick tock.....

The move/PCS were NOT supposed to do this summer and that suddenly came up is getting closer.  We need to rent our house and sell a car.  I am a bit frantic.

Tick tock....

Liam's IEP is coming up and I feel unprepared.  I feel even worse that we'll be movin right after he turns 3.  Of course, this means he is too old for Early Intervention at our new home, but the public school system is closed for the summer, so I am having a hard time reaching anyone.

Tick tock....

There are no Mother's Day Out programs in our new location and the preschools have a strict birthday deadline of September 1st, which means Liam will make the deadline by only 11 days and likely be the youngest, when he already is delayed.  Oh, and he needs to be potty trained.  He cannot even pull down his own pants.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock....

Ben hasn't been sleeping, sometimes getting as little as 4-6 hours between the hours of 7 and 7 and refusingg to nap.  This means I am not sleeping.  I don't know how I am still standing.  I cannot even bein my to-do list and I cannot think clearly.  Today is Day 6 off his Prilosec for reflux and clearly he needs to go back on, but I promised the doctors a 14 day trial off of it.

Tick tock.....
Ben has required constant holdin, and I remember what it was like when he was a newborn.  He is refusing to be put down.  It has been like this for over a month.  Poor Liam is being neglected due to Ben demandin all my attention and all my feelings of guilt from last summer are flooding back.

And we are back to the crushingg anxiety......

Sevens........

7 days before Dave deployed Liam was diagnosed with PDD-NOS.
Ben was 7 months when Dave left.
Now 7 days before the 7 month mark, Dave is due to arrive home.

The deployment will be 7 days less than 7 months long.....or 205 days.....or 29 weeks and 2 days.  Unlike 365 day deployments where there is 2 weeks R&R (plus travel time), Dave got zero R&R, not even the 3 days at a nicer deployed location (which used to be standard for 6 month deployments).  And with the news we got last week, there will be no rest for the weary as we are gearing up to move this summer.

I don't know a time that Dave will land by commercial airline, but we could use every prayer that can be spared that there will be no delays and the day does not change.

At some point during these last six seven months, I had to stop hoping and anticipating Dave's return.  I could not get through the day to day life thinking he'd be back someday.  In the last month, the closer we got, the more it felt like he'd never come home.  Now that I know a day, it's real, but letting in the joy of homecoming also means letting in the pain of separation, so the tears I haven't been able to cry for the last seven months won't stop now.  Please let him not be delayed.

Caveman drawings

Liam is now as advanced as prehistoric people:

Seriously though, this is highly unusual for a 2 year old.  When Early Intervention began coming, his OT said she has only seen 2 or 3 kids beforre age 3 be able to draw a circle and stop when the ends meet.  He first drew a face a few weeks ago while staying with my friend Amanda during Ben's visit to Children's Hospital for reflux and growth.  I dismisssed it as something he must be learning in therapy.  Since then he has done it in therapy, and his therapists are blown away because no one ever taught him to do it.

So what does it mean?  I guarantee it does NOT mean that he is talented artistically. ;-)  It confirms my belief that he is a visual learner, and it illustrates his OT's belief that Liam has very advanced skills in the area of perception.  He labeled as he drew and included feet on the legs and then socks and shoes.  It means that Liam is very special, and while some things are challenging for him, he will always amaze us with what he can do and with what comes easily.  But we knew all that before the drawing, didn't we?

Horseshoes and hand grenades

are the only things that being "close" really matters, and I can tell you that being close to the end of a deployment means nothing, except more pain.

I used to run long distance, and I would prep myself for the final stretch during the whole run.  Some days all the stars aligned--I had carb-loaded enough the night before, I was on a familiar course or I had found a good person to pace with/against, the wind was blowing with me not against me, I had slept well, etc; those days I felt all my muscles spring into action as I dug deep inside me for energy I didn't think I had.  My arms would start pumping faster and before long, my legs would follow.  My lungs would cooperate, and I'd get a giant burst of speed.  I placed ahead of several runners more talented than me with this last burst.  My coach usually set someone at the finish line to catch me because if I was able to give it my all, I collapsed as soon as I finished.  Other days I was off, and any little variable would throw the whole finish off.  The burst would never happen.  My legs would turn to jelly, my lungs would seize, and I'd be passed by several people as I hobbled and convulsed my way to the finish line.  I'd finish sobbing in anger and would pace furiously until the race was over.

Unfortunately, all the stars are NOT aligned right for the end of this deployment.  I feel like I am crawling on my belly, gasping for air, and looking foolish as everyone else seems to take such deployments in stride.  I am at least able to eat thanks to some very good friends and I have enough emotional support to remind me I am not alone.


I am more than 6 months into the 6 month deployment and still don't have a countdown until Dave's return.  This has made crossing days off the calendar seem meaningless as I don't see the end in sight even if it is near.


So, I found this quote:
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt


And I am not the only one who is tired......

In case you are wondering the deal with the white highlighting, I couldn't figure how to get it off the post....and THAT is the level I am functioning at these days.