Last year we made a decision to not have anymore babies. At the time we decided that, Ben was 18 months old and was not yet sleeping through the night. It was nearly 2011 and I hadn't slept through the night in nearly 4 years. Dave was particularly done; he said living with Liam and Ben was more stressful than living in Kabul. Dave was very done. I knew I wanted another baby but only if it came with a 100% guarantee of no reflux or colic and I knew sleep would be better than it was with either of my boys.
Making the decision to be done changes your outlook as every milestone is a step away from babyhood. I went through Ben's first year and a half just surviving and not cherishing any moments as I thought we'd be done the babyhood path again. Since then, I am holding onto eveery moment as I will never again have a little one.
I am mostly happy to say good-bye to the non-stop physical demands. I still need to dress Liam and often need to feed him to get him to eat. Ben still wants me to carry him around the house and many place. It isn't realistic to imagine I could handle a third. Liam has significant delays and Ben still doesn't say his own name at nearly 2.5 years old. It is very unlikely to think a 3rd child wouldn't also have developmental delays. I know it was the right choice for us, and most of the time I am happy but every once in awhile I wish I had a different life. A life where my husband was only out of the house at work 10-11 hours a day, a life where I lived near family to help, a life where babies slept 8-10 hours at night by 6 months and actually napped, a life without non-stop therapy.
Ben is done nursing. He only nursed once in August and has changed his bedtime routine so it isn't even something he thinks about. I will hold onto the memory of nursing him in June and him growing heavy in my arms and falling asleep. It astounds me to think I will never again nurse another baby so this milestone is bittersweet. I am sure I'll be much more excited when the milestone is potty training.
3 comments:
That is tough. I got really teary eyed reading it. Although we havent officially declared "done" and nothing permanent will probably ever be done...Steven has said he definitely never wants to try again. It's sad to know that your last is definitely your last! Sometimes though it is relieving to know that this is my life and to know what I can expect on the road ahead.
I had the same reaction as Celeste. N has officially declared done though nothing has been made permanent - yet. Even with as crazy as I get postpartum, part of me would still love another. I doubt that it will happen, so I get teary eyed realizing just how fast A is growing. Those pics are so sweet. I just love them.
We are definitely not done, meaning, we haven't done anything permanent to ensure that, but I'm pretty sure that we will never "try" again. We feel we skirted something major with Kate and though Emily is more typical, she still gets up every.single.night (at 23 months). So I completely get where you are coming from. Sometimes I look at Kate at 5 and think how much more I love that age, than the baby stage... but I realize all of this time is fleeting... and one day I will probably prefer a needy, non-sleeping infant to say, the teenage years!
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